So much of the time I shy away from writing something on here because I begin to think for people, and most of the time I think they’ll think I’m being too negative, or I think they’ll read it as “complaining”, I just want to let you know (even if you never thought those things) that my heart has never been in those places, although my mood certainly has. I’m in a place in my life where I’m feeling good and content with where God has me, and at the same time, I’m discontent with where I spend most of my days, stuck up in an office.
The funny thing is, I really like my job, but when I start to think about the time it requires I am not too happy with it, as I would much rather be free to meet with friends, have coffee (or beer), love on people, spend time with my bride and daughter, etc. However, I still really like the job, and I love working with the people God has placed around me. It’s kind of a weird paradox, a love/hate kind of issue. So, overall I am content, but there is definitely something inside me that wants more, and I’m trying very hard to hear what God has to say about that.
I know it is through discipline in Christ that I’ll find fulfillment. Today I was reading Proverbs 12, and the first verse captured me – “To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction” – I’ve always been one to accept correction, to seek his discipline…. that is at least what people could see. Now that God has been showing me (through marriage) how much more I need to seek his discipline, I have found myself unusually closed up, unwanting to change.
Thankfully, I think God is turning a key, opening a door, and doing new and greater things in me. I think I’ve began to let him. It’s hard, it burns, but it feels right. As seek his healing in these areas I know his promises will become true, and I’ll be more free.
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